Yesterday, I was searching for a quote from Douglas MacArthur, the great WWII General that liberated the Philippines from the Japanese. I haven’t yet found the quote I was looking for, but I did find a prayer General MacArthur prayed.

“Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak, and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat, and humble and gentle in victory.
Build me a son whose wishbone will not be where his backbone should be; a son who will know Thee and that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.
Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort, but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenge. Here let him learn to stand up in the storm; here let him learn compassion for those who fail.
Build me a son whose heart will be clean, whose goal will be high; a son who will master himself before he seeks to master other men; one who will learn to laugh, yet never forget how to weep; one who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.
And after all these things are his, add, I pray, enough of a sense of humor, so that he may always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of greatness, the open mind of true wisdom, the meekness of true strength. Then I, his father, will dare to whisper, “I have not lived in vain.”

I have loved the stories I have heard about this great man as a little boy. My dad was in the Pacific in WWII and he loved the General, so by extension, I did as well. In Ephesians 6:4, Paul is addressing the Christian fathers in the church at Ephesus. “And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Personally, there’s not another verse in the Bible that weighed on my mind more than this verse when I was rearing my three children. I think about it now with the four grandchildren daily. Why? I will use the last words of General MacArthur’s prayer as my hope and desire for my family, “I have not lived in vain.” I have loved being a father. I loved hanging out with and taking my kids places, especially once they were trained to go to the bathroom by themselves.

  1. A Time to Knock it Off. This sobering verse for fathers begins with a command to “not provoke their children to wrath.” That simply means don’t irritate them to the point of anger. Some men just don’t know when to stop. Let’s make a list of provocations I have observed and probably have committed myself to some degree. What about unreasonable demands for perfection? You know, like the baseball games when your boy strikes out with the bases loaded and you’re embarrassed.  You publicly berate him. You expect him to bat 1000% and yet you didn’t when you played. I know because no one always goes four for four. Here are some more. Constantly ripping and nagging over minor infractions, unloving in your rebukes, publicly embarrass over and over, verbal and physical abuse, favoritism among the children, extreme discipline or never allow personal expression and desires just to name a few. Most children wish to please their parents when they are young, but if they are constantly being put down or embarrassed, resentment begins to rise in their hearts. It could be, not always, but could be that we as fathers have provoked. Know when to stop. I’m not talking about expectations such as cleaning a room or doing homework. Certain things such as obedience are essential, but even chastisement can be done without provocation.
  2. A Time to Train. Back to our verse in Ephesians. The word “nurture” is used. This means we are to train them and discipline them toward the things of God. The Lord expected this as far back as the Old Testament. Moses instructed ancient Israel to train their children. The training was constant. Deuteronomy 6:4-9 is a passage called the “Shema.” It was instructions to dads and moms as to how to raise their children. Constant and consistent. Day and night the Lord was before their eyes. Everyday God gives us opportunities to teach. Psalm 19:1 emphatically tells us that the “heavens declare the glory of God and the firmament sheweth his handiwork.” Everything in nature and the heavens are a living illustration for us to point out to the kids as we train.
  3. A Time to Counsel. The last word for this blog is “admonition.” What does this work mean? It means to constantly counsel in the ways of the Lord. If the Lord isn’t a big deal in your life, why should God be a big deal in your child’s life? If the children see inconsistency and hypocrisy in your life, why should they want what you have? A paraphrase of an old Chinese proverb says, “I can’t hear what you are saying, I’m too busy watching what you are doing.” All of us, including our children and grandchildren, have physical needs, mental needs, emotional needs, and most of all spiritual needs. Knowing that each of us has these needs, why not be proactive and be intentional in meeting those needs in our children? Making a home happy doesn’t happen by accident. It is done on purpose and fathers should be leading the way. Children are a blessing from the Lord. He calls them “a heritage”, they are gifts from God. The blessed man is said to have “his quiver full” (Psalm 127:3-5). If you don’t know what a quiver is, it is a pouch that holds arrows. That was a good thing in those times of danger and uncertainty.

In closing, I ask you men with kids to commit to be a good father. The children need it, your wife needs it, your grandchildren need it. Be the patriarch that points your family to God instead of being a selfish man constantly provoking the children to anger. May we have General MacArthur’s prayer answered in our lives to have “not lived in vain.”